February 25, 2019

Building Attachment – restored to connect

How is the health of your key relationships?

The level of our Well-Being is reflected in the health of our key relationships. Relationships are not a means to an end but are a source of life and vitality. We need deep connections to flourish. This is true for home and work life. “Cultivating key relationships where true, two-way intimacy occurs, through mentoring relationships, regular interaction with others in one’s profession (a community of practice), and close personal friendships outside of one’s work context are emerging as key practices for flourishing professionals.” Journal of Psychology and Christianity
2017, Vol. 36, No. 3, 254-259

Mentoring relationships help us cultivate key relationships. This is my experience. Being mentored helps me focus on how my key relationships are doing. Key relationships in the home, work, and church community. We flourish when we feel acceptance and affirmation. Matt Bloom says,

“Pastors flourish when they feel they belong to this community — when they feel accepted, affirmed, and cared for by their local congregation — and their well-being is diminished when they feel in some way outside of the community.” P23

Do you feel isolated or connected?

As I approached burnout, I felt increasingly detached. While for health, we do need alone time and men need their cave, it became the place of my preference. I would walk quickly through the crowd of people at church but not settle in conversation, pleasantly smile and move on to greet the next person. Phone calls to key people became less and less. I would make decisions and not communicate with those whom it impacted. I would not spend time with just catching up. At home, I was less and less communicative often giving short and clipped responses. It was a shock to me when I realised the desire to withdraw to my room and watch a video when the family came over. I was isolating myself. Yes, in the emotional depletion, I was needing to withdraw. I needed to rest so I could recover.

Thankfully I did find restoration. I love the truth of Psalm 23:3 He restores my soul (ESV). In the restoration I found connections deepen. Yes, I can grow healthy attachments.

Who do you talk with about the health of your key relationships?

See: building attachment – transparency and time

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