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March 4, 2019

3 keys to building attachment – Transparency, Trust and Time


Present but not really

I am blessed to be part of one of the most connected movements. Deep in our culture is the core value of connection. But in my emotional sickness, while visibly present, I was not transparent or vulnerable. The words coming from my lips indicated that things were good all the time. But in reality, they were not. I experienced grief and pain as all people do but shared little of the impact on me. Experiences of rejection developed a lack of trust. I had to learn again to trust.

Adams and Bloom say “We find that wellbeing at work requires friends and mentors rather than just business associates, with the workplace being a caring community of people who can support one another in the joys and sorrows of life experience.” Journal of Psychology and Christianity 2017, Vol. 36, No. 3, 254-259

I needed a mentor in the journey of recovery to teach me to use the phrases “I feel” and “I need”. Letting others know how things really are, enables them to care and express love. Yes, there are times and places when it’s our job to be givers, but also there is time to receive.

The connections with my mates deepen as I learn to be more transparent.

Who knows what is really going on inside of me?

Do I control conversations and refuse to be transparent?

Present. Really

I make space in my calendar for connections.

I allow time for family and friends by deliberately planning for replenishing. My tank fills rapidly in these times. Like a summer tropical downpour fills a water tank, so these times refresh and fill.

Photo by Jacob Ufkes on Unsplash

In living a slower life with space I am able to hear clearly the connection bids that others make. Opportunities to strengthen and develop relationships abound. One practical thing is when you are with others, minimise your online time. Turn off notifications on your phone when you are with significant people. Your smartphone is making you dumb if you let it diminish your connection time. Digital interruptions are akin to removing the plaster off a leg that is set to see it the break is healed. Allow space and time to build connections.

When is your next dinner with friends just for connection and appreciation?

See “Building Satisfaction”

Continue reading with these articles…

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