Bitterness in Ministry: 

The Slow Poison That Empties Vitality

We all experience disappointments, betrayals, rejections and pain that come from another’s treatment of us, whether deliberate or unintentional. If we do not forgive, bitterness often results. In the last few weeks, we have explored what bitterness can do to a person: how it is like an abscess in a tooth, spreading to other parts of ourselves and festering. Bitterness grows, making a person view those around them cynically and harshly, affecting relationships and distracting a person from more important goals. It impacts health: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. 

If you have not read our last two blogs on this topic, check them out here:

• The Hidden Cost of Unforgiveness 
• Let it Go: Releasing and Forgiving 

While these two blogs focus on the more personal impacts that bitterness has on an individual, there are bigger things at stake for those involved in ministry. Ministry is a world that relies heavily on compassion, communication and hope. It thrives in the absence of judgment. Bitterness is a direct threat to the calling a minister has been given. 

This, of course, is not to say that conflict, wrongdoings and anger should be ignored. These will occur even within the most efficient and empathetic ministries, and require careful handling of the situations and emotions of those involved.

The goal, as always, is safety

This is why sweeping conflict or a potential scandal under the rug is antithetical to a positive workplace. Hiding misdeeds, ignoring tensions, and shoving down anger are ways to ensure bitterness builds. For example, if there is a coworker who is volatile and prone to losing their temper over small things, refusing to address this person’s emotions will only leave the rest of the team uncomfortable, anxious, and even scared. The problematic coworker could push boundaries even more, resulting in a dangerous situation for them as well as others. This would expose the ministry to losing good teammates and even to potential legal trouble. 

Instead, the healthy approach is to address the issues and create a better, safer workplace for everyone involved. Mediation with a trained person is a good way to explore issues in a safe environment. A first step is to let go of our own bitterness and guide others to do the same. 

Some tips for releasing bitterness: 

1. Choose not to harbour bitterness. ‘I will not let them continue to harm me, and I will not allow my bitterness to harm others or my mission from God.’ Letting go can take a long time, years even, but the intentional decision to choose this path is heading in the right direction.
2. Articulate forgiveness. I find this especially powerful when done out loud in prayer. Repeat every time you encounter the pain, the place or the person. 
3. Focus on God and his goodness; God calls us to forgive. 

Genesis 50:20 (New Living Translation)

²⁰ You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. 

God loves us all. He loves us when we do harm, and he still loves those who harm others. How can we view others through God’s eyes?

Reflection:

What bitterness am I holding right now?

How is my anger affecting me? Others? The work I am doing?

How have I released bitterness in the past?

Who can I talk to about the feelings I am harbouring?