When Work Gets Complicated: Fidelity, Values, and Dual Relationships: Part 1  

Many of my sessions as a practitioner revolve around similar topics: work/life balance, stress and fatigue. They also focus on managing the emotions of self and others, and building resilience and buoyancy. Most of these deal with interpersonal issues or long-term goals of transformation. A topic that sometimes slips by the wayside is a client’s fidelity to their profession. 

Fidelity to a profession means being accountable, trustworthy, and loyal by upholding professional standards, fulfilling obligations, and maintaining confidentiality. It builds trust and requires acting in the best interests of others. It involves being an ambassador for your profession with pride, acting with integrity, and demonstrating honesty and commitment in your work. In a perfect world, we would all have work we believe in, with organisations we trust and respect, and honest, caring co-workers. Of course, even good people in good jobs face conflict and pressure. These challenges can make them question their loyalty to their jobs. 

When it comes to struggling with fidelity to a profession, I have found that it most commonly occurs in two ways. These are through dual relationships and misaligned values. If a client is uncertain about their commitment to their work, it is almost always one of these issues. 

Dual Relationships 

This is when a person has more than one relationship with another person. Often, working with family members is discouraged for this very reason: it creates a dual relationship that can lead to nepotism, power imbalances or the introduction of familial issues into the workplace. Some organisations and denominations make a rule against it to avoid conflict and corruption. However, in newer communities, dual relationships tend to occur more frequently. Some churches include anyone who wishes to be involved in their work, focusing on using the individual’s talents for God’s work even if it can lead to complications. 

Having a co-worker who is also a good friend is very common. Friendships within work are healthy and a sign of a good work environment, but it can complicate matters. For example, there might be a big project due at work, but your co-worker/friend is experiencing difficulties in their personal life and is coming up short at work. On one hand you need them to perform well, but on the other hand, you empathise with them as a person that you care about. This causes stress because it blurs the lines of responsibility. What takes priority, your relationship with another person or your loyalty to the work?

Dual relationships are not automatically harmful. In the Bible, James and John are brothers, with Peter as their business partner. The disciples became dear friends of Jesus. In some cases, the multifaceted relationships strengthen the bond and dedication to the work. Dual relationships can work when handled correctly and carefully. With intentional transparency, clear boundaries and integrity, there is no reason that dual relationships should interfere with the work being done. 

Misalignment of Values 

Sometimes a person’s internal values do not align with those of their work environment. There might be a difference in theology, church governance, or the organisation’s paradigm that leads to personal wrestling with whether they agree with the organisation’s values. For instance, if a new church employee has more of a congregational background (they are used to everyone getting a say in how things work) but the organisation is more leader-led with a corporate structure, the new employee might freely offer opinions without invitation. Yet their boss might feel the employee is overstepping, resulting in frustration on both sides. 

There are times when a person ought to challenge traditions or methods in their work; this can lead to new innovations and thoughtful changes. The church, for example, is in a constant state of revival and, while it can get messy, it also brings about necessary change. A misalignment of values does not necessarily mean either person is in the wrong, rather they have different values and behaviours. Often it can be worked through with mutual respect and open communication. However,  there are occasions when a person’s code of conduct is too different from that of their profession and it feels untrue and immoral to continue to work there. 

A good question to ask your client: Is this value cultural or Biblical? For example, a new pastor begins at a church, and he does not personally believe in drinking alcohol and wants the rest of his co-workers to speak out against drinking as well. In this case, this is a cultural value, since this particular pastor has an anti-alcohol position. 

In truth, there is no easy answer;  much depends on the individual situation and the surrounding context. This is why our work as a mentor, professional supervisor or coach is so important. We can offer a new perspective that can clarify our client’s priorities and ethical responsibilities. 

Next week, we will follow up on ways to help our clients handle doubts of professional fidelity.

Reflection Questions: 

• Whom of my clients are wrestling with their professional fidelity? 
• Is there a gap between my client’s values and those of their work?
• Is my client experiencing dual relationships/misalignment of values at work? 
• Is the profession asking anything unfair or immoral for my client? 
• As a practitioner, when have I struggled with fidelity to a profession? What did I learn and could my experience be helpful to share?