Bitter or Better? A Leader’s Response to Church Wounds

What does it take to be a seasoned Christian leader? Even if we are respected leaders in our community, with talents and a love for the people around us, there are many other competencies needed to create a sustainable and productive life in this line of work. Some skills only come with years of experience. The main purpose of being a seasoned Christian leader is to guide others to follow Christ, to instruct them in scripture and imitation of Christ. It is what we have been discussing the last few weeks, and today this completes the series in exploring seasoned Christian leadership: loving and supporting the Church. 

The Church

The Church has always been essential to being a Christian. Eph 5:25 compares Christ’s love for the Church with a man’s love for his wife. The Bible also refers to the Church as “the body of Christ.” The Church is paramount and designed to be Jesus on earth. It’s a way for God to interact with His world, and for us to interact with each other globally. 

But churches all consist of people, and people are imperfect. This leads many to have a complicated relationship with the Church. While we try our best to uphold God in our churches, there will be broken parishioners, staff with conflicts and corrupt figureheads in this world. Sometimes, even seasoned Christian leaders stop supporting the church. Their once passionate love turns angry and bitter after seeing others misuse their power or by witnessing the on-going struggles of a congregation. I have seen it many times and it is deeply sad. This verse in Psalms reminds me that I have not been the first to feel this way:

Psalm 42:4 (NLT)

4 My heart is breaking
    as I remember how it used to be:
I walked among the crowds of worshipers,
    leading a great procession to the house of God,
singing for joy and giving thanks
    amid the sound of a great celebration!

In this verse, there was a great sense of loss over a time when something they loved felt pure and celebrated. As the leaders of our community, we need to have confidence in the Church, and we can’t lose faith in God. It is our responsibility to fight to uphold the Church as Christ would want it to be in this world. Our community looks to us and will mimic our behaviour, so if we show bitterness towards the Church, so will they. 

Seasoned Leaders

The Church has existed for two thousand years. The struggles leaders and their community face with their relationship with the church is nothing new. To be a part of the Church is to embrace the good and recognise and fight against the bad. Seasoned leaders understand that there will be suffering in this work, but that the suffering can make us better and stronger. Paul said, “I am glad when I suffer for you in my body, for I am participating in the sufferings of Christ that continue for his body, the church,” (Colossians 1:24 NLT). We, as individuals, may be imperfect, but a perfect saviour is with us always, listening and guiding us to see His truth.  

I do not want to dismiss the grief and anger people may feel towards the church. Spiritual abuse, emotional abuse, coercion, control, manipulation and bullying are never appropriate and cause very real trauma. We need to call out inappropriate behaviour and create a safe and intentional environment. We should be addressing the problem: what actions have caused harm? Who has been affected? How can we grow and change? This is true for leaders who have bad experiences within the church as well. If there are unresolved things for you, what do you do? Who do you talk to? How will you mend? We can lead by working through our own trauma and listening to others with open and empathetic ears. 

Here are some questions we can ask ourselves and our mentees:

• How do I grieve? 
• What will I need to find healing? Who can help me? 
• How to forgive? 

It takes two to reconcile, and while we are not able to control the behavior of others, we always have the power to forgive. If Jesus can forgive his murderers while dying on the cross, we can work to forgive those who have wronged us. 

Reflection: 

• Do I love and support the church?
• What do I need to forgive?

Sit with this passage:

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behaviour. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT) 

What message is God delivering to you through this? 

What next? 

If you have some grief to process, reach out for a 30 minute appointment for a confidential conversation at https://calendly.com/don-verve-lead/30min.