How to Build a Clear Picture of Your Mentee’s Reality

People come to us because they have blindspots and trigger points or cannot identify all the aspects impacting them right now. It’s our job as mentors to help them understand the many layers influencing their lives now. 

Dive Deeper

I recently had a mentee speak to me about his energy level at work. He said he was always tired recently, even though nothing had changed about his work load. I began by asking what else was going on in his life. My mentee said that one of his children was having trouble sleeping, and waking him and his wife up frequently during the night. This, he realised, was impacting his energy levels. We decided to dive deeper. 

“What else is going on in your life?” I asked. He thought momentarily, then began to share about a broken relationship with a family member. The more he talked, the more he was able to understand how much this fence between his family members was draining him emotionally, even though the triggering event had happened in the past. 

Getting an Outside Perspective

After exploring other aspects of life, it made sense that my mentee was so exhausted; he was physically and emotionally drained from aspects of his life but was feeling it the most at work. He needed someone with an outside perspective to see that work wasn’t the problem, Rather, he needed to address his physical needs and past trauma. 

There are so many aspects that influence what is going on in a person’s life and so many ways a person can respond. Relationships, health, culture, education, the past… so many areas to explore. How does a mentor know where to begin? 

I like to start with the current problem. In the story above, we begin with exhaustion at work. From there, we moved outwards. Here are some areas to check: 

• Check well-being physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and financially. The areas where your mentee is struggling can give an indication of where to look deeper. 

• Consider stresses in the past, the present and the future. What does your mentee keep playing over in their mind from long ago? What pressures are they feeling right now? What goals or fears for the future are they fixating on? 

• What would their life look like if they changed their current reality for the better? What is getting in the way of this? 

• What do the people in their lives say about their situation? Their partner? Their friends? Their coworkers? 
• How is God prompting them in their situation? What is God saying to them? 

• What do they need to be able to forgive, let go of the past and move on? 

What’s next for you? 

If you are looking to grow your mentoring skills, check out these resources:

Wondering what is your competency level as a Mentor? Mentor Q assesses your mentoring competencies 

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