Values and Limits: The Keys to Creating Healthy Boundaries 

The word “boundaries” is being used more and more in current discussions of well-being, from licensed professionals to people wanting more control over their lives. It can feel like boundaries are just any reason to say no to something in order to avoid unpleasant feelings. However, truly healthy boundaries take more into account. It’s not all about saying no, but also about curating habits that support your needs, and prioritising them over distractions. Creating healthy boundaries means taking serious inventory of your values and reflecting on your personal and professional limits. The goal of boundaries for a mentor, supervisor or coach is to prevent harm coming to yourself and your clients. 

Understanding your Boundaries

The first key to understanding your boundaries is to understand your limits in each of the following categories: Emotional, Physical, Mental, Spiritual, Relational and Financial. Ask yourself; what are my values in each category? What are my needs? How would I like to grow in this area? What makes me uncomfortable in this area? Why? What is clearly outside the boundary line? 

Below are some boundary line examples in each category. Everyone will have different boundaries and yours could look very different based on your values and limits.

Emotional

Requiring time to reflect after each session and gather your thoughts. 

Physical

Saying no to strenuous sports you don’t enjoy.

Mental

Turning off social media, text and email alerts, to enjoy a quiet walk. 

Spiritual

Making time to read scripture and journal for 30 minutes in the morning.

Relational

Creating a hard stop after work hours to be present with family.

Financial

Strict budgeting to avoid unnecessary or inordinate purchases.

The Second Key

Understanding values and limits are just the first key to healthy boundaries. The second key is clear communication. If you set a boundary and tell no one, then it will lead to frustration and confusion when you either enforce your boundary without explanation or when you don’t enforce your boundary and feel disappointed in yourself and others. You can express your needs with respect, communicating kindly and firmly that your needs are non-negotiable. Hopefully, the people around you will understand and respect your boundaries and even help you to affirm them. 

There will be unexpected situations that will arise, and sometimes it might require pushing a boundary. An emergency might call you into work when you planned on being home or an important family event might cut into your quiet time. It’s not about being perfect or inflexible. It’s about understanding your needs and knowing the moments to say no and the moments to say yes. However, there are a few red flags to look out for, especially in the world of professional mentoring and supervision. Here are the most dangerous boundaries slips: 

Overfamiliarity

Professional relationships need to remain professional. It’s not appropriate for a client to FaceTime late at night or seek you out in your private time. Be aware of the potential for codependency between you both if these boundaries are breached. 

Professional Privacy/Courtesy

As a practitioner, you need to respect others’ connection with you and refrain from taking it into other areas, such as a church or a conference. Avoid discussing private conversations outside of sessions.

Fear of Missing Out/People Pleasing

If you have trouble saying no, either because you don’t want to miss out or because you don’t want to disappoint others, there are some deep-rooted fears at play. The antidote is knowing who you are and being comfortable in who you are. 

Boundary Compromises

Compromises in life are necessary but be wary of repeated compromises. Some boundaries are too important to compromise. If you find yourself compromising boundaries frequently, you need to ask yourself: is it you or others who are crossing your boundaries? If it is you, you need to reflect on your priorities. On the other hand, if it’s others, that warrants a serious conversation with them.  

Disrespected Boundaries:

What makes someone refuse to honour a boundary? If your boundaries are being repeatedly crossed, it means someone is invading your personal space and not respecting your needs. This could even be qualified as abuse and should be taken very seriously. Surround yourself with people who respect and affirm your boundaries. 

Reflection:

What are your boundaries? What is okay and not okay in these areas:

• Emotional 
• Physical
• Mental
• Spiritual 
• Relational 
• Financial 
• Where have I compromised my boundaries and where have I let others compromise my boundaries? 

What’s Next:

• Who are you going to have a conversation with about this? 
• Who can help you strengthen your resilience and values and empower you not to be coerced? 
• If you want to know more about discipline slips and compromised boundaries, check out this blog: