Love First, Share Second: The Art of Connection through Christ 

Primary Commitments

Being a mature disciple comes down to two primary commitments: the commitment to the Great Commandment – loving others and loving God and the Great Commission – spreading the good news of Jesus. Of course, these two commitments are linked because if you genuinely love others, you want them to experience the same blessings that you experience. If you are having a great meal, you want to share your food with them. If you read an excellent book, you want to pass that book onto them, and if you love Jesus, you want to introduce them to Him, too. However, if you try to follow the commission of spreading the news without loving the people you want to reach, you come across as arrogant, manipulative or judgmental. These two commitments should always be lived out together.  

Some people will not be interested in hearing what you have to say. They might be dismissive or defensive, making it challenging to begin these conversations. But there are still people who long to hear this message and are waiting for someone like us to come into their lives. The principle here is, how will they ever know Jesus if you don’t converse? 

Romans 10:14-17 (New Living Translation)

14 But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? 15 And how will anyone go and tell them without being sent? That is why the Scriptures say, “How beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news!”

16 But not everyone welcomes the Good News, for Isaiah the prophet said, “Lord, who has believed our message?” 17 So faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ.

Fostering Natural Relationships

Fostering relationships with people who don’t know Christ should be an organic process. Jesus often formed relationships, which happened naturally. Consider Jesus and the woman at the well. Their meeting was coincidental; they were both at the well, and it began with a normal conversation. This engagement opened up the opportunity for a real connection. 

Ask yourself: What relationships can I foster? Who is within my capacity to connect with? Who will reciprocate? 

Sometimes, these connections are made quickly and flow naturally into a meaningful conversation. Still, there are also periods where we may struggle with forming new relationships. This is natural, and there could be a few reasons why the connection with others has become more complex. 

You’re emotionally depleted – If you were drowning and gasping for air, you would not be able to help another drowning person. If you did that, you would both drown. Instead, you would need to focus on finding the surface and getting air into your lungs. Only then could you try to help others. Similarly, if you are struggling with mental, physical or emotional health, you won’t be of great help to others. It’s better to tend to your well-being first, and then shift your focus to those around you. 

You’re experiencing connection fatigue – Between the demands of work, our social life and our family, it’s easy to feel like we are connected to too many people. This is especially true with the addition of social media in our lives. Social media impacts our ability to relate deeply to the people who matter most. For example, if you are on a date with a loved one, or even at the dinner table at home, and you’re on your phone, you are not existing in the moment. You are relating superficially to hundreds of people you hardly know (or don’t know) rather than relating deeply to the person in front of you.  When we relate to too many, we can get fatigued. We should prioritise our time and energy for the people we care about most and make space for ourselves. 

What you can try if you are struggling to make connections: 

Check your buoyancy. Visit our tool sections at Verve Lead https://vervelead.com/buoyancy/ and take a quick assessment to gauge your buoyancy. Of the five markers, only the top two have the capacity for others. The bottom three mean you still struggle to get your head above water. Who can help you find buoyancy again? Who can you talk to to rebuild your margins? 

Rest. Take a little time for yourself. Whether this is just heading to bed an hour earlier, going on a long walk or taking a full sabbatical, there are many ways to find rest and reset your buoyancy gauges. 

Make it easy. Open your eyes to what opportunities are already around you. There are more than you may realise. Making connections can be natural and fun. What do you enjoy doing? How are you already spending your time? This could be riding your bike, making pottery, playing guitar, or going for a walk… all you need to do is think about who enjoys these activities. Who can you invite along? This is a way to make easy, healthy connections that don’t feel forced, coercive or controlling. 

Next step: Check your buoyancy at https://vervelead.com/buoyancy/ and consider whom you could talk to about buoyancy. If your margins are already in place, consider whom you could make a new connection with.