Ending a Mentoring/Supervising Relationship Well (Part II)

Any seasoned Christian leader knows that ending professional relationships are a part of life, but that doesn’t make it an any task. There are often feelings or grief, regret, uncertainty or anxiety as one chapter comes to an end and another begins. 

An emotion that often goes unmentioned at the end of professional relationships, is a sense of lost identity. We can become so invested in our work, in our clients and their lives, that when one moves on, it can feel like we have lost a part of ourselves. This is a great opportunity to reflect on your identity and your role in the world. 

Here are some questions to ask yourself to help understand the loss of the relationship, as well as to begin to move forward: 

Who am I?

It is easy to make our jobs our identity, and when a season ends, it can leave us uncertain about ourselves. So consider: what is my identity here? Is it wrapped up in this role? Do I see myself first as a mentor/supervisor or a child of god with an assignment? Our identity does not need to be tied into this client or moment. It is helpful to spend this time affirming who we are outside of this work. 

What’s next for your client?  

Clients who are continuing the mentoring/supervising journey usually like to have the power to find their new mentor, but we can always offer recommendations. A client may also be stepping away from mentoring or supervising relationships entirely, but we can push them to find ways to continue reflecting and growing. 

What’s next for you?

Is my role diminishing? Does the loss of this client mean less work now? What will fill this time in the next season? Who will I pass on my knowledge and skills to next? There could be more clients around the corner, but this could also open up into a new pursuit or goal. This is a great time to reflect on what I want to do next and what changes I could make to expand and grow. 

Who can help support you?

Is there someone who can help me through times of change? Who can help me plan for my future? This is a great time to turn to our own professional mentors and supervisors, especially if we find ourselves uncertain and anxious about the next stage.  

What is my timeline for what happens next?

We may be unclear about certain details, but it’s always good to ask ourselves the questions; what do I want to see in my life? When would I like this to happen? What steps do I need to take to make this happen? What conversations should I be having, and with whom?  Without some timeline or plan, things can often get decided for us. 

Ministry leadership/management role

If I am working for an organisation, then what is my role here and what clarity do the people around me need? What financial discussions should I be having? Are there agreements to put into place? What am I entitled to do? Nothing should be presumed- we should be having conversations at the beginning/ending of things and should be aware of the regulations to follow. 

How can I Finish Well?

What does this look like for me? How do I finish with dignity and integrity? How can I keep both myself and my client safe and cared for? 

How can I Start Well?

Is there a way to get started on a good note, for the new incumbent and for myself in the new season? What’s my new assignment here? I like to look at Paul’s transition from church planter to writer of scripture in the Bible. His transition between these two very different jobs was done honourably and with poise, because he had a sense of purpose and assignment. 

What’s next for you? Do you need to develop your competency as a mentor or supervisor? Consider joining a cohort   https://vervelead.com/mentor-growth-track/mentor-essentials/