The Quiet Risk of ’Just Okay’: A Christian Leader’s Self‑Check 

When you wake up each morning, are you feeling weary? As you go to work, are you feeling stressed? Throughout the day, are you distracted? Bored? Tired? When you get home, do you find yourself spending most of your evenings in front of a screen? 

Many people would describe this as normal… expected, even. Life is tiring. Work is hard. Our schedules are overwhelming. We are often okay with just making it through without crashing out. For those who have spent long stretches of time feeling truly depleted (times where it feels like a feat of strength to just pull oneself out of bed), feeling ‘okay’ is the goal. Feeling ‘okay’ is a win. Sometimes feeling ‘okay’ is truly okay! However, there is a downside to accepting this as normal. 

The Buoyancy Scale

‘Okay’ is a middle ground. On our buoyancy scale, it’s about halfway full:

Check out the scale link. Here is a summary.

0/10 – Emotionally empty… wants to stay in bed all day

2/10 – Sinking with no strength to fight

4/10 – Short on air, not sustainable, could go either way

6/10 – Some resilience, but one crisis and I will go under

8/10 – Enjoying life with some energy to help others

10/10 – Full of energy for life, love and ready to bring change in/for others

Are you Treading Water?

When a person is just keeping their head above water, they are a single mishap from going under. They are in self-preservation mode, but they have no margins for others. The instinct when feeling ‘okay’ is to keep your head down and to try not to notice others in need because you don’t have the capacity to cope, let alone make a difference for them. Think about a person treading water for hours in the sea. If another person falls in and the first, already exhausted person attempts to help them, they could both drown. 

For those in care-based roles, such as mentoring, coaching or supervising, you can see how this is not ideal. To do our role, we need that buoyancy; we need enough vitality to share with those around us. Ponder how you would feel different, how your life would look different, if you were at a ten instead of a four, for instance. Who would you be able to positively impact outside of yourself?

That brings us to the question, “How do we move from ‘just okay’ to a place where we have the bandwidth to care for others? What can buoy us to have the capacity to pull ourselves and others from deep waters?

What Stressors are Impacting your Vitality?

The first things to address are those which are depleting us. Here are a few examples of stressors that can be impacting your vitality:

Trauma: significant, lasting negative events from a person’s past. Whether a person is dealing with a recent traumatic event or a decades-old trauma, it can have a deep impact on their current well-being.

Stressful events: moving house, changing work, difficulties within intimate relationships, financial or caregiving pressures.

Difficult relationships: toxic people, self-centered people, others in pain. Conflict with others is a common source of depletion. 

Sustained high stress: years of stress can have a lasting impact on overall well-being and can take time and intentional effort to recover from. 

Once we recognise what is depleting us, we can begin to minimise the effects. It will depend on the stressor; trauma is best handled alongside a professional mentor or psychologist and takes dedication and time to address. However, smaller stressors, such as a conflict with a co-worker or an overdue bill, can be managed with intentional conversations and productive action. It is also essential to know what replenishes us, and to take the time to partake in these activities.

Ways to replenish

What replenishes you? Here are some of my personal forms of replenishment: 

• Woodworking 
• Garden care 
• Bike riding 
• Walking 
• Spending time with family and friends 
• Prayer/ being in the presence of God 

We are all valuable to God, and although taking time to replenish might feel selfish, it will give us the energy and strength to do the work He has set for us.

Reflection:

Where am I on the buoyancy scale? 

What is depleting me? 

Which opportunities may I be missing?

What replenishes me? 

Who can I speak with to help me feel energised and strengthened?