Three in the Room:

Who’s Present with You Besides the Client?

When a client sits down for a mentoring session, what we see is a single individual. However, an experienced mentor understands that it is more complicated than this. In Coaching, Mentoring and Organisational Consultancy, Peter Hawkins and Nick Smith discuss the law of three clients, which is the idea that our clients all bring other presences into their session; specifically, three categories of presences:

1. The first client is whoever is in the room, whether that is an individual or a group receiving professional mentoring. 
2. The second client is the organisation or network of which they are part (the school, the church, the business). 
3. The third client is the purpose of their joint endeavour; their clients, customers, stakeholders, etc. (Why are they engaged? What is their function, role, responsibilities?).

What does this mean exactly? Take, for example, a middle school principal. If this principal is our client, those in the room would include our client, the teachers, the students, the students’ parents and the board of education. The client is weighing the needs and desires of all these presences, as well as the goals of the organisation as a whole; to educate children, to create a safe environment, to help kids who are struggling, etc. This is a lot to manage. The more we see and understand the others in the room, the more we can help our clients, as well as the communities and greater goals that our clients serve.

How do these presences reveal themselves in our client? Our client may be presenting the opinions or hearsay of others. They might be reflecting the culture, values or behaviors encouraged by their organisation. They could be engaging in transference, where they are associating their current situation with something that is unrelated to the present; such as feelings of anger towards their manager because of unresolved feelings towards a past authority figure. 

Are these presences necessarily a negative thing? These presences are a natural thing. Every client is influenced by good and bad. However, I see these presences as positive; they show the interconnectedness of the client’s work and life. While the client is being influenced, they also have the opportunity to be a positive influence to others. Their transformation can, in turn, transform the people and systems around them. This is the goal as a mentor; to cultivate transformative leaders and flourishing communities. We can find peace and purpose in knowing that the work done in our sessions will flow outward and affect others. 

What is my role here? Much like our client, we also have others in the room; sometimes even the same people as our client. Professional supervisors, mentors and coaches who are brought in by an organisation to help their employees have to balance the client as an individual, the organisation as whole, the stakeholders, board members or other figures and the goals and purpose of the organisation. Our role is not to be a moral judge of the organisation or change the culture that they have established. Rather we are there to seek to understand the culture and help our client understand how they are being impacted by the people and situations around them. If we are feeling unsure about our role or questioning our fidelity to our profession, this can lead to a conflict of interest. If this is the case, please read our blogs on the topic! 

Remember,  every situation is unique and there is no one perfect answer, but the priority should always be safety of both the individual and the community. 

What skills and competencies can we bring? With the right skills and competencies, we can be equipped to help navigate even the most complex situations between the people in the room. 

Investigative Inquiry and Discernment:  We can help shed light on what is really going on in the situation. What are the goals and motives of everyone at play? What is behind the words being said? 

Catalysing Self-Reflection: We can provide reflexive practice questions that build awareness. Why did you react in this way? How does this connect to past situations? What are you feeling and why?

Reflection: 

Think about three recent clients and identify the others in the room.

What is the purpose of their endeavour with that organization? 

Who else is in the room that is not in the organisation? 

What’s next: you can evaluate your competencies in Enabling Transformative Action, Investigative Inquiry and Discernment, and Catalysing Self-reflection at  https://vervelead.com/tools/#mentorq