The Quick-Guide to Better Listening 

I often return to the term “posture before words” when considering the necessary skills of a mentor, especially the ability to be a good listener. While our words are important and should be chosen carefully, our active presence as a trustworthy and safe person in someone’s life is a powerful gift. Often the best thing we can do is show up with open hearts and listen attentively to what our clients need to say.

We should take every opportunity to review and hone our listening skills. Here is a tool I like to use to reflect on a recent session and double-check that I am putting my best ear forward! 

🎧 Listening Quick-Guide: 

For calm, caring, non-fixing presence

🔑 Posture Before Words

• Be present, unhurried
• Set aside distractions (including your thoughts)
• Be curious, not corrective

🗣️ Core Listening Skills

1. Active Listening
✅ Nod, use soft eye contact
✅ Use minimal encouragers: “Mmm,” “I hear you,” “Go on…”

2. Open Questions
❓ Try:

• “What happened?”
• “How did that make you feel?”
• “What’s been most difficult about that?”

Avoid:
🚫 “Why did you…?” (which can feel accusatory)

3. Reflect Feelings
💬 “That sounds really painful.”
💬 “You seem really torn.”

4. Summarise
📋 “So what I’m hearing is…”
📋 “Let me check I’ve understood…”

🚩 What Not To Do

• ❌ Don’t interrupt or jump in with advice
• ❌ Don’t quote Scripture too early
• ❌ Don’t minimise: “At least…” or “It could be worse…”

🙏 Bonus: Spirit-Led Presence

• Ask the Spirit silently:
  “How can I reflect Your love right now?”
• If invited, offer prayer gently, not as a fix

Reflection Questions: 

• How was my posture? 
• Did I ask thoughtful questions?
• Did I affirm their emotions?
• Did I reframe and summarise what I heard?