Who Matters Most to You? 

One of the significant challenges that my mentoring/supervision clients wrestle with is work/life balance and managing the priorities of life. On one hand, we all want to provide for our families and to be great employees. The challenge is that we want to be both a hard worker and dedicate time and energy to those we love most in life. We often face conflict with how to spend our time in a way that feels meaningful, productive and true to who we are. 

So how do we sort through this? How do we decide how to spend our time wisely and not let time rule us? Understanding our values is the key to finding this balance. 

I’m reminded of the Franklin Covey “What Matters Most” Seminar on time management that I attended a long time ago. We were given the assignment to make a list of what matters most to us. A lot of businesses have lists of values: integrity, compassion, honesty etc. But taking a personal approach allows a person to delve deeper into what they truly value. The big question became “who” I value most, and I found that this helped me understand my overall values. 

Make a List

I recommend making a list of who matters most in your life—not just a quick list; spend some time contemplating and thinking honestly about the people in your life and asking hard questions, such as, “If I had to choose between people, what would I do?” This is meant to be a confronting process. No one wants to choose one person over another, yet, we do this every day of our lives with the allocation of our time and energy. 

Through this list, many people find that their true values are not lining up with the way they are spending their time. If I say God is my top priority, how is that reflected in what I do and who I am? If I say my wife is the person I love and care for most, how is that reflected in my calendar? Are my children more important than my work? Is that reflected? The balance between work and family is often a stumbling block for leaders. We work for a sense of calling and purpose, and to provide a stable life for our family, but when does our work swallow more time than it should?

I personally realised in that seminar that my children are very important to me. However, as a young pastor and church planter, they were missing out on a lot of my time.  I decided to spend some hours with them before dinner and get work done later in the evening. By making this adjustment in my calendar, I was matching my values to my life.

Reflection Questions: 

• Who matters most in my life? 
• What does my list say about my values? 
• Are my values congruent with my lifestyle? 
• How do my values influence my purpose/mission in life? 

Next Step: 

• If there is a disparity between what you are doing and what you value, who are you going to have a conversation with? 
• Who is someone safe and objective to help you process this? 
• Who are the people you value – how do you rule your time, not let it rule you?